During our flight out, we were entertained by Scott, a Virgin Atlantic air steward, who decided that he’d make the announcements a little more ‘interesting’.
During the safety announcements
“In the event of cabin depressurisation, oxygen masks will drop down from above. After you have finished screaming, carefully put the mask around your head and breathe normally – although I’m sure in these circumstances, you will all be hyperventilating already”.
“Be sure to fit your own oxygen mask before helping others, such as young children. If you have more than one child with you today, now is the time to consider which one you love the most”.
“Your lifejacket has a light and, usefully, a whistle, which may be used to attract the attention any passing sailors”.
“In the event of them being required, the lifejacket is yours to keep with the compliments of Virgin Atlantic. I can assure that your cabin crew will not be coming around the collect them afterwards”.
“Be sure to inflate your lifejacket after leaving the plane. If you do it whilst in the plane, you will not only look like the Michelin Man, but it will certainly impede your exit”.
The first announcement by Scott’s colleague
“My name is Neil; whilst you’ve all enjoyed listening to Scott’s announcements, my style is somewhat straighter – in more ways than one”.
After we landed in San Francisco
“Be sure to tell your friends who you travelled with today; after all, it’s not every day that you can say that you’ve spent 10 hours with a Virgin”.
As we left the plane, I noticed a printed list of “jokes and gags” on top of the first class bar area. I will always regret not picking it up and taking it with me – I’m sure it would have made writing this post a lot easier.
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